“It’s complicated but understand me…” a realisation I had this morning.

I never intended this blog to document any kind of self discovery or path to change. In fact, if you remember my first blog post you will know that part of my previous issue with blogging is that I didn’t have a theme or a focus. And it was with that clearly in mind that I began to blog again.

But reading back on posts from the past few months it is clear that I like to be nostalgic: I have an excellent memory for the small details – how prickly the naughty mat was on my first day of infant school – and random facts – Peter Andre’s banana overdose (believe me, this actually came up in conversation with a friend on Monday). It is also clear that I am looking to change, to improve, to understand myself better. I can tell you straight out now that writing and blogging is certainly helping in that regard.

Whilst chatting with a couple of friends on Twitter the other day about blogging we were discussing what direction one of their new blogs should go in. I piped in with how if I were a hipster I would simply say I didn’t want to be pigeon holed, but as I’m nowhere near being a hipster I’m actually rather random. But that’s the thing I’ve noticed; It’s not that random at all. The elements of my thoughts, ramblings and life I’ve mentioned here have begun to cross pollinate and affect one another. This is a good thing.

At yoga this morning while perfecting my down dog and salute to the sun, the yoga teacher (as they often do) said in her smooth, calming voice the usual platitudes you expect from yoga. I can see how for some people yoga is a spiritual experience, but for me it is about relaxation and fitness. Her voice does chill me out however. I cringe a little when she tells you to “ground your feet on the earth” instead of “floor”, but yoga does the trick for me, it does what I want it to do.

This morning however she said something that resonated with me during the relaxation phase:

“You are already perfect. Your inner self is perfect.”

Of course she said this at the moment when I am meant to be emptying my mind of the outside world, and of course my mind then starts racing at a hundred miles an hour.

You see, I think she’s got a point. Our inner self is perfect.

When you hold a newborn baby in your arms and look into their eyes, you know they are perfect. The are born perfect. They are a fresh slate, free from any imperfections. It is over time that we react to our surroundings, to what people say to us, to what we say to them and build a facade or boundaries around ourselves.

Get to the grand old age of thirty eight or so and we have had plenty of experiences to react to, but somewhere inside and under all that crap is your inner self, and that is still perfect. It made sense to me. I hope it’s making sense to you.

I’m not just talking negative experiences here, I’m talking about life and all it holds. The negativity comes in when we lose sight of our inner self, of what we used to be. And this is where I come back to my blog and why it’s doing me the world of good regardless of who is or isn’t reading it. Through reflection, reminiscing and challenging myself for the future I am on the search of perfection. A perfection that is already there.

Maybe through reflection we can find that perfection once again. I think you certainly need positivity to do so.